she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
