dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
i just made my gag reflex go away.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
