They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
There was a lot of him and a little penis
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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