dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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