so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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