Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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