worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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