Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
