before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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