I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Cover your peen. We're going out.
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