she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
