You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Randomize
