The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
time to smoke my breakfast
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
