His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I am midnight drunk by noon
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
