My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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