I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
