i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
