Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
