too bad you live with your parents still
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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