awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
