Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
