did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
