yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I enjoy the company of your penis
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