Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
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