You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
