I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Randomize
