You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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