I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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