So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
