the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
