I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I think your dad took our porno
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
