mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
