WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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