I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
