garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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