by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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