Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
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