She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
my phone needs a breathalizer
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
