My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
