I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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