If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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