it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
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