I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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