If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
