is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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