do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
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