Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
honey bunches of taint.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
