How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
He shit in the fireplace
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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