I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
