I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Best friends brother. Beat that.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Randomize
