I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
