some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
We need a shit load of segways right now
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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