I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
