franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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