Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
