Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
