Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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