Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
