just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
