Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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