this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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