i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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