No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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