did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
