I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
