I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize