Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize