You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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