Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
